“When we went to Celebrate Love in 1997, we were married 12 years” so says Michael Casey of theCentralCoast. “We had three children and things were going really nicely for us. We didn’t have any pressing marital problems. In fact, I’d say that we had a really strong marriage. We sensed a potential for more in our marriage, so when my brother, who’s a priest, asked us to do this seminar, we liked the idea – we just found it hard to actually find the time.”
Tricia Casey continues the story, “We agreed to do the Celebrate Love seminar, but it took us two years to finally get there. And we are so glad we did. It was a revolution for us. Like most couples, we had very busy and full lives with work, further study and the kids’ activities which we ‘divided and conquered’. We even turned up to our weekend in two cars! We loved each other, but we had slipped into a pattern of living side-by-side. Over time, we were becoming more and more independent of each other. Celebrate Love gave us a vision for our marriage that we just hadn’t even thought possible. It held up for us the possibility of living our marriage passionately involved with each other, our whole lives long.”
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Or should we?
Michael & Tricia Casey were one of more than 800 Australian couples who have attended a Celebrate Love seminar. Feedback from many of these couples tell much the same story; they had no sense of anything lacking in their marriage, they just didn’t realize how much more it could be. Just like when people saw colour television for the first time; they wondered how they could ever have been satisfied with black and white. Couples say that Celebrate Love is like seeing their marriage and their future together in full, living colour.
Coauthors Byron & Francine Pirola are the Australian founders and principal developers of the seminar. “Celebrate Love is like the advanced relationship course”, says Byron. “The content and exercises are designed for couples in stable loving relationships who have maybe just gotten a bit side tracked by the demands of babies and mortgages.”
“We all hit periods of disillusionment in our marriage,” adds Francine. “At these times, some couples just knuckle down and wait it out, and eventually, things usually do improve. Others unfortunately start to come unstuck. They begin arguing and criticizing, and it’s like the passion they once shared just gets snuffed out.”
Celebrate Love is a remarkably efficient way to rekindle the passion and help couples start afresh. “Many couples who come to the seminar are deeply in love”, says Byron, “but they have so much baggage from unresolved disagreements and hurts, that they over react to each other. The seminar offers couples the opportunity to get to the core issues that are dividing them, deal with them and then start afresh.”
Learning to ‘Love Smart’
One of the key insights in the seminar is an appreciation of male and female differences. Recent studies in brain science have shown that even from before a person is born, there are structural differences in the brains of men and women. As adults, these differences are initially one of the things that attract men and women to each other. However, for many couples, they become a source of frustration and hurt because they are not well understood. The seminar teaches couples about ‘Smart Loving’. “Most people give love the way they like to receive it” explains Francine. “We assume that if we feel loved when some one sits down and listens to us, for example, then that is what the other likes too. In fact, a lot of people don’t feel loved this way.”
“If a couple doesn’t understand the differences in the way that their husband or wife experiences love,” says Byron, “they will be burning energy, trying to be loving, but missing the mark. Eventually they get frustrated because their spouse doesn’t appreciate their efforts.”
Relationship: A learned Skill
Michael and Tricia Casey are now one of the seminar leaders and have facilitated Celebrate Love seminars far a field inMelbourne,Griffith,MountIsaandBrisbane. “One of the biggest myths of our time” says Tricia, “is the belief that a good relationship just happens naturally, that we spontaneously know how to love. The truth is, and there’s plenty of evidence out there in the mass of divorces, that being in a relationship is a learned skill. And in the complexity of our modern society, it just isn’t enough anymore to rely on instinct to get us through.”
“Just like getting your immunization booster doesn’t mean you are sick,” adds Michael who happens to be a doctor, “attending a relationship education course doesn’t mean your marriage is in trouble. It means that you are a mature couple who recognize that there is always room for growth. There is always something more we can learn.”
The Theology of the Body
For some couples however, the most radical and empowering aspect of Celebrate Love is the revolutionary Theology of the Body. Written by Pope John Paul II, the Theology of the Body is a radical reconfiguring of our understanding of human sexuality in the divine plan. Celebrate Love incorporates key insights from this theology and applies it to the everyday living of married couples. One of the topics on the seminar is called “Sex is Holy”. It explores the sacred nature of sexual union between husband and wife.
“A lot of people don’t realize that sexual union is sacramental” says Francine. The vows that a couple exchange at their wedding are sacred promises. They call a couple to live with a love that is freely given, total, faithful and fruitful. These characteristics of love are also the way God loves us. The vows are an essential aspect of the wedding, but the couple’s sacrament is not fully realised until they actually enact those vows by making love. Sexual union says with the body the vows spoken at the altar. In fact, every time a couple makes love, they are renewing their wedding vows.”
“Many people turn away from the Church” says Byron, “because they think that all it has to say about sex is negative, that it’s just a long list of ‘out of bounds’. In truth, the Church holds sex in reverence and awe.” It is precisely because of the capacity of sex to reveal the nature of God and his love, that the Church has been so resistant to calls by secular society to change its teaching.
“If there is one word that sums up how the Church sees sex,” continues Byron, “it would be ‘WOW!’. Sex is an awesome gift, given by God, to bring us into deeper understand of his sacred mystery.
