Session 1: We like to bring the ‘Gender-based Friendship’ reflection point forward before we show the DVD because we find it helpful to have a bit more time with the couple before we play the DVD. When the couple finish the DVD, they go straight onto the Couple Exercise. – Elizabeth & Graham Barter, Chatswood, NSW.
Session 3: We find that couples often get stuck with The Values Based Decision Making exercise. We’ve found that it works best if we help the couple isolate one, very narrow issue for discussion. Eg, if they choose ‘housework’, they will almost always get tangled up arguing about different values related to different areas of housework. So we ask them to pick one very specific aspect, like ‘cleaning up the kitchen after dinner’. That way, they can identify their values more easily, learn tool and resolve their differences with success before moving onto other aspects, like doing the laundry, cleaning the bathrooms, dusting, cooking, garden maintenance etc. – Byron & Francine Pirola, Kensington, NSW.
Session 6: We like to invite the couple to join us for a family meal before the final session. Couples really appreciate this as, by this time, they’ve got to know us and the children fairly well. – Phil & Trish Anderson, Pennant Hills, NSW
Small Groups: When we run the small groups (usually 2-4 couples) we like to meet with each couple at least once on their own. This allows them to raise any issues with us privately and gives us a chance to get to know the couple a little better. – Dan & Ann Hill, London, GB
Large Groups: The course adapts quite well with larger groups but it is helpful to have extra couples on hand to assist with individual coaching for some sessions. For example, the Stop-Reflect-Connect exercises in Session 3 and the Family of Origin exercise in Session 4. Alternatively, offer an optional follow-up mentoring session for those who want it.
How do we get the couples to sign up for the course? Marketing of the course is really about targeting the parish priests. Most want to know at the beginning of the year what is available over the next 12 months, so contact the parishes in your area early on so that the priests are armed with flyers and info for the rush of bookings that come during the Summer and Christmas seasons. You might like to try meeting the priests during their deanery/regional meetings – ask your parish priest if you could address the next meeting for 15 minutes.
Where do couples get their Certificate of Completion? When couples complete the evaluation survey at the end of the course, a certificate will be generated (PDF) and emailed to them. Please ask couples to complete the survey online – click the ‘evaluation survey’ icon on the ‘Embrace Now!’ bar. For couples doing the Engage course, their Mentors are responsible for collecting feedback and issuing a certificate
What do you do if the engaged couple asks a question to which you don’t know the answers? Eg, one couple asked us something about the Church’s teaching on fertility treatments. The most important thing is to be honest with them. If you don’t the answer, say so and tell them you’ll check it out and get back to them. Alternatively, you can refer them to your Regional Coordinator/supervisor, their parish priest, or another specialist. Then, use the opportunity to expand your knowledge and understanding of the topic and let us know about it. If one asks, many wonder: maybe it would be a good topic for an in-service.
Our engaged couple got married before we finished the course and never came back for the last session. What should we do? This sometimes happens, especially if their priest does not require a certificate of completion. As busy as the engagement period is, couples lose motivation for the course after the wedding. Make a reasonable effort to get them back, but don’t risk your relationship with them…many couples after a year or two of marriage look for a refresher and if they have a positive experience with you, they are more likely to ask your advice. If you have more than one couple in this situation, another option might be to hold a small group session. And if after a year they still haven’t returned, you could post them their left over session handouts with a note of encouragement and a suggestion that they make it an anniversary gift to each other.
We had a really quiet, reserved couple that didn’t open up at all. We don’t know if they were even finding the course helpful. Any suggestions? It can be really disconcerting when couples don’t get into the discussion with you. In group courses, this is very common. It is important to remember that the primary purpose of the course is that they open up with each other. If there is evidence that they are applying themselves to the exercises well, be reassured… you are making a bigger impact than you realise.
We both have a good example for one of the sharings. Do we use both? Sometimes there will be two or three possibilities, but only one is called for. Make notes in your Mentor guide for all options so that you can select the most appropriate one for the each engaged couple. For group courses choose the one which makes the point most clearly.
What is required from couples regarding the evaluation survey? The evaluation survey provides PMRC with valuable feedback. When couples complete the Embrace course, Mentors should ask them to complete the survey online (click the ‘evaluation survey’ icon on the ‘Embrace Now!’ bar). In many regions, the Embrace coordinator will phone each engaged couple after the course to debrief with them and if they haven’t done the survey. May complete on their behalf following the interview. However, the evaluation survey is not mandatory and if couples do not complete it they are still entitled to a certificate of completion. For couples doing the Engage course, Mentors should make their own arrangements to collect feedback and issue a certificate.
We have a couple where the woman is very anxious about being pressured to convert to Catholicism. She refuses to do the exercises. What do you suggest? Obviously, be sensitive about Catholicism but at the same time, don’t be afraid to make the warm invitation as suggested in Session 6. By that time, she will hopefully be more comfortable with you and won’t be so defensive. As to the exercises; there can be many reasons for people to resist them. For some, reading and writing presents an embarrassing challenge. Others may be afraid of self-reflection and self-disclosure. We can’t force anyone to do the exercises, however it is important to maintain gentle pressure and encourage her participation for her own as well as her fiancé’s benefit. Some of the inventory exercises could be done with orally rather than in writing with the fiancé reading out the questions. If she persists in resisting the exercises, it would be appropriate to contact their priest to alert him to the situation.
We’re starting a small group, what tips do you have to make it flow? How is it different to couple-to-couple? The main difference between Mentoring and groups is that there is little opportunity for discussion. Even when there are only two or three couples, unless they know each other they tend not to be very talkative during the discussion times. Make the most of this ‘free time’ in the schedule to engage individually with each couple during their sharing time.
