One of the advantages of Mentoring in the home is that the Mentors don’t need to be skilled presenters. In fact, the desired atmosphere is one of friendly and personal hospitality. Above all else, Mentors need to be relatable and approachable. Professionalism and heavy theology can actually be a barrier to building rapport with the engaged couple. Yet Mentors still need to be well prepared so that each session is productive as well as relaxed. Below are some guidelines for going about this process.

Session Notes

Each session is comprised of some introductory notes with suggestions for your spiritual preparation for the session, the teaching content, directions for sharings, and instructions for directing the couple exercises. Being well prepared helps keep the stress down and makes for a more hospitable and relaxed welcome.

Sharings

Mentors should focus on the sharings as the first priority as these are the points of most powerful connection with the engaged couple. There are two sharings in each session that are identified as ‘key sharings’. These are pivotal to the effectiveness of the course and should not be omitted.

Begin by reading the sharing instructions. Think of some examples from your own life that illustrate the point and make some notes. This can be done privately through reflection or prayer or it may be a more active brainstorming process. Review the sharing for the following points:

  1. The sharing illustrates the point. It might be a great sharing but if it doesn’t illustrate the point save it for another session.
  2. The sharing is the appropriate length. Avoid unnecessary detail as this limits the relatability of the sharing to those who have a similar experience. For example, if too many details about babies are given, engaged couples switch off. Rather, focus on the feelings and the interaction between the two of you – this makes your example universally relatable and relevant. Also, remove justifications – e.g. ‘Luke was late home from work because of a deadline or a counselling crisis with one of his staff’ – just – ‘Luke was late’ is enough.
  3. There is appropriate disclosure. Avoid sharing unresolved (very hot) issues. Avoid sharing your spouse’s faults – that’s their job! Both of you need to be comfortable with the sharing.
  4. There is adequate depth. The sharing should model for the engaged couple how deep we want them to go in their own reflection and couple discussion (they won’t go further than the Mentors do!). Do not be afraid to share your weaknesses – by sharing deeply of our limitations we provide permission for couples to share deeply with each other. Generally speaking, the deeper the sharing of the Mentor couple, the deeper the discovery for the engaged couple. Remember: our strengths make us admirable, our weaknesses make us lovable.
  5. Avoid time-stamping it. Share your most powerful example, not the most recent one and share it in a timeless context.
  6. I sentencing and L.I.F.E. Ensure you use “I feel” statements and model the L.I.F.E. process to reinforce it for the couples.
  7. Allow for a balance of sharings throughout. Avoid one or the other spouse dominating – couples need to hear the perspectives of both husband and wife.

Workshopping. If possible, have another Mentor couple review your sharing –objective feedback will always improve the impact of a sharing