Some marriages seem happy, peaceful and relatively calm. Some couples operate at a somewhat and even measurably efficient level and there is a perception that everything is OK. The marriage, whilst efficient and convenient, it is at times a bit bland and often mediocre. Some couples are in this place and they think “that this is all there is to marriage”. Some couples may seek to improve their position, but either look in the wrong places or simply don’t know where to look.
Some years ago, we were about here with our marriage. Fr. Joe Parkinson suggested to us that we give each other a 25th wedding anniversary present and attend Celebrate Love, a weekend seminar for married couples. What a gift it was! We thought our marriage was in a good place, but we soon realised that we needed to keep growing. We needed to recharge, reinvigorate and refresh our marriage and decided to take up this opportunity to deepen our relationship.
Since becoming involved as part of the Celebrate Love team in WA and speaking with many other married couples it has made us examine not only our own marriage but also appreciate other people’s marriages from their experience of marriage. We soon discovered that we were not the only couple experiencing marriage in this way. When couples are experiencing regular intimacy, the family and home is stable and is a relatively calm place, they feel contented. The thought of change or improvement is not alway in their thinking and if it is, they are often too frightened to “upset the apple cart” or risk hurting their spouse. The marriage is important to them, but they sometimes seek to improve their relationship by a higher level of socialising, entertaining, holidaying and buying things. They are engaging with others, but never really engaging with each other.
Some feedback from a couple who have attended a Celebrate Love seminar “We are ‘happy’ because we felt our marriage was basically functional. We didn’t realise that marriage has the potential of many more dimensions and much more depth. We were ‘happy in the moment’ and almost ignorant of what marriage could really be.” Underneath that perceived place of calm, however, are there some fundamental structural issues?
Have couples inadvertently accepted their mediocrity out of ignorance? Do some couples avoid developing their marriages further because of fear? Do they fear opening the proverbial “can of worms”? Have they accepted “coasting along” as the safe way forward?
In a world where there are so many marriages that look like “train wrecks”, a “functional” marriage can seem adequate. Comparatively speaking, they believe they are in quite a good place and even lucky to be there!
We have seen marriages that seem to glow with joy and love and give out an energy that is something we all long for in our own marriage. In the past we wondered what it is that they seem to have in their relationship that we did not necessarily have in our own. A wise person once said, “The grass is not always greener on the other side. We simply have to water our own grass!”
Taking our marriage to another level required trust, commitment, communication and personal investment. The fruits of that process for us have been an improved communication, emotional communion, strong couple unity, intimacy, passion, depth, growth, security for our families and a strengthening of our community.
When we achieve these things our marriages start to more closely resemble the love of Christ for His bride, the Church. Our marriages help image the love of Christ in the world – to our families, friends and communities. Marriage is a mission, a vocation, to which all married couples are called. In our wedding ceremonies we made a sacramental commitment. We have promised each other and the church to do everything in our power to be the visible sign of something invisible – that is what sacramental means. Marriage shows to the world the strength of the love of Christ for his church through our love for each other. We must try to be the best we can and settling for mediocrity is not fulfilling our mission or meeting the promises we made to each other in our wedding vows.
Celebrate Love really improved and enriched our marriage and we would like to give you the opportunity to do the same for your marriage! Celebrate Love is a highly acclaimed and successful marriage enrichment seminar which presents topics and strategies to help couples achieve happiness, fulfilment and growth in their marriage.
The next Celebrate Love marriage seminar weekend for Perth is being held on Saturday 16th and Sunday 17th of October 2010.
Celebrate Love is a 2-day seminar for married couples exploring intimacy and spirituality in the Catholic context. Composed of workshops and reflective exercises, the seminar is designed to lead couples into deeper intimacy and a greater appreciation of their masculine and feminine uniqueness. Couples identify individual needs for intimacy and emotional support, freeing them to trust more fully and rekindle the passion and joy of being ‘in love’.
The program is facilitated by married couples and explores the practical and spiritual significance of marital intimacy. Presentations are followed by self-directed questionnaires and discussion so that husband and wife can explore the topics together in complete privacy. There is no group discussion or counselling. Celebrate Love is suitable for married couples of all ages. The seminar is presented in the context of the Catholic faith; however participants of all faiths and practices are most welcome.
For more details please call Carmen Court on 9316 4434 or 0419 945 277 or check the web site www.celebratelove.com.au . Advance registrations for the weekend are essential and can be done on-line.
Stephen and Carmen Court have been married for 29 years (10 months and 2 weeks!) and have five children. They are members of the Applecross Parish and have been involved with the Celebrate Love seminar programme for 3 years. They are also a mentor couple for the Embrace programme run over 6 weeks, preparing engaged couples for marriage using a tailored version of the Celebrate Love seminar programme especially focused on engagement and preparation for marriage.
Written By: By Carmen & Stephen Court
