Francine recently did an extensive interview with Sam Rebbechi at Melbourne Catholic. Here’s a summary of what was discussed.

The most radical act

When people hear that my husband Byron and I have spent nearly four decades in marriage ministry, they sometimes expect dramatic stories. The truth is more ordinary, and to my mind far more striking. In a culture that is increasingly individualistic and sceptical of lasting love, choosing to marry and raise a family is, as I recently described it to Melbourne Catholic: the most radical, courageous act left to us.

I came to this work as almost a family inheritance. Both Byron’s family and mine were shaped by Worldwide Marriage Encounter. His parents brought the movement to Australia in the 1970s, and my parents were among their very first recruits. The conviction that took root in us came from Fr Chuck Gallagher, who married us and taught us something of which I have never let go:

…the renewal of marriage is central to the renewal of the Church itself.

That belief shapes everything we do now. Our courses are not built only on communication tips or on managing emotional needs. They draw deeply on St John Paul II’s Theology of the Body – an understanding of the human person as body and spirit together, not merely a mind to be analysed. That distinction matters, because it changes how a couple comes to see their own struggles.

If I had to name the deepest threat to a marriage, it would surprise most people. We tend to blame selfishness, or laziness, or exhaustion. Those things are real but underneath them lurks idolatry. We quietly ask our spouse, our career, our home, even our children, to give us what only God can give. And when they inevitably fall short, it goes from idolising to despising the other.

This is why I tell couples that our children are not meant to be our fulfilment – they are meant to be our mission. Once you see that, conflict and disappointment stop being only evidence that something is broken. They begin to reveal where love has turned possessive, and where God has been pushed out of the centre.

We do not say any of this from a safe distance. Byron and I build our talks around what we call confessional sharings – our own failures and the long road back from them.

There were seasons we begged God for a different calling, and he simply kept turning us back to this one. We have learned that the struggle is part of God’s plan for redeeming us. If we are not struggling in some way, we are probably not growing.

My great hope is that the Church will stop noticing families only when they are in crisis. A strong marriage is not a private comfort; it is a prophetic witness to the nature of God’s love. So my advice to every couple, whether you are thriving or weary, is the same: don’t wait for the marriage to be sick before you tend to it. Build now, while you don’t need it, so that it’s there for you when you do.

You can read the full interview with Sam Rebbechi at Melbourne Catholic: The most radical act: Francine Pirola on marriage and ministry.